Vintonville

I’m done…and not so done. Let me explain the Jekyll and Hyde way:

Hyde:
I’m not sure if it’s the months of weather being poopy (although it’s on the up) or if its because I’m plumpy and pregnant and have a billion emotions and hormones pumping through me right now, but I’m feeling crazy.

I’m done being pregnant.

I’m big, uncomfortable and ready to get back to bending over without my pants falling down or having only 3 shirts to choose from because the rest make me look as large as a whale. Or passing every mirror thinking no wonder everyone stares. It could be all the contractions I’ve had the whole time which get quite exhausting. Maybe it’s the nasty feeling of my belly touching my thighs when I sit down…yuck! Or the constant comments of wow you are pregnant and when’s that baby due? I.e.- it should’ve been yesterday! The swollen legs and feet, the heartburn, the tiredness, constantly in the bathroom, and last but not least the stress of “is she going to be healthy, cute, and has she moved at least 8 times in an hour today”? I’ve been a train wreck this pregnancy and I’m ready to be done.  I know they say the longer the baby is in the better but lets be honest folks they also say after 37 weeks they are golden…and I’m at the golden week of 37.  Come on little lady…COME OUT!  I day dream about my water breaking…its getting serious.

Jekyll:
I really have it quite lucky. I don’t get terribly sick (only in the beginning) and I don’t even throw up. I don’t get hugely large, although I feel like it. She’s been an active baby and I LOVE feeling her move inside me. I haven’t been all that uncomfortable and really can’t complain about how I feel. I’ve been able to run my whole pregnancy. I totally dig the sweet treats where with Joshua I wasn’t even interested [Dan edit: Fibber!] and now my body is actually doing something…WAHOO!! I’m a whopping 1 cm and 70% effaced (hey I know its nothing to everyone else but with Joshua she gave me a 1cm to be nice at 40 weeks). Am I even close to being ready for her to pop out…um no!

Jekyde (combo):

I feel very sad for the little guy right now. The thought of having baby sis makes me sad for Joshua…am I totally crazy? He’s been the only one for so long and he’s our little guy. Plus one is so easy, how on earth am I going to handle two? I’m afraid he is going to feel neglected and not as loved because a new baby is so much work and time and I don’t want him to ever feel like he isn’t loved. I am also afraid that I won’t love this little gal as much as I love Joshua…terrible I know but does your heart just keep growing and growing with love? I know this may sound cheesy but I don’t think I ever realized how much I would love Joshua and it just keeps getting better and better and growing and growing.

Do you love one kid more then the other kid?  Is it possible to just keep having and loving all the same?

I’m afraid to get too excited about having another baby.  People ask me all the time about how excited I should be about having a little girl and having another baby in general and honestly I can’t seem to let myself get there.  I am so afraid of the “worse case”. What if they missed something? 

I know.  I’m a crazy train wreck!

So here I am close to my “moment of truth” all I can say is wish me luck and feel free to send over any advice that you think will help me through this.  Anything will be appreciated…clearly I need it!