Quotables: Little Dude
Another installment of the ongoing adventures in the lexicon wonderland of Little Dude Vinton.
There may be some debate to the whole “gender role” thing, but as far as Little Dude’s concerned, it’s a closed book. I was explaining that maybe Little Sis would play “Starn Wars the Clone Wars” with him when she got older. He gave me the “Are you freakin’ kidding me?” look, so I thought I should explain. “Hey, I played Barbies with my sisters sometimes.”
“Barbies!? Barbies!? Ew! That means you’re a girl!”
Little Dude has a soft spot for spiders. Lady Friend does not. Enter: Battle of the Wills:
Lady-Friend: “A spider! Nyaaaah! Joshua! Squish it!”
Little Dude: “Mama I never want to squish spiders. I straight up like them.”
Lady-Friend: “Squish it!”
Little Dude: “NEVER!”
Yesterday we found a Mama Wolf Spider loaded with babies. Lady-Friend B-lined it to the Hot Shot spider spray and came out ready to exact genocide. Little Dude and I stepped in and prevented catastrophe. After putting the spider spray away, I walked back outside to find Little Dude down in a squat and piling up weeds and grass. “Hey, Dude. What are you doing?”
“I’m hiding the Wolf Spider so Mama can’t find it!”
The angry poo kiss has reared its ugly head once again. Life lesson # 237: The minute you think the toilet’s been trained is the minute another set of underpants bite the dust. As I was disappointedly getting Little Dude some fresh underpants after a failed game of “Hold Your Poo ‘Til You Pop”, I picked a special pair of Spider-Man and Friends undies– the cool kind with glow-in-the-dark characters on the fly. “Hey, I remember these! My weenie glows in the dark!”
In his prayers, Little Dude is all about keeping safe. He asks his Heavenly Father to keep Mama and Papa safe– he even asks for our house not to blow up. But recently, he took it up a notch: “Please bless for everyone on earth to be safe and for You, too. Bless that You and Jesus will be super duper safe.”
Little Dude has always liked Disney’s Lilo & Stitch thanks to cool spaceships and goofy aliens, but apparently he’s applying some life lessons as well. As I was leaving for work the other morning, I got a lecture: “Papa, Ohana means family and that means no one gets left behind so you never get to go to work ever because no one gets left behind.”
More “Quotables: Little Dude” after the jump…
After trying to get Little Dude to hit the sack alone, we realized there’s only a small window of opportunity where he’d actually want us to cuddle up with him at bed time. So, we gave up and now take advantage of it. As we were lying there, Little Dude asked, “What would you do if I left and never came back?”
“That would be so, so sad. I’d never ever want that to happen.”
“Yeah, if you left I’d cry so hard it would crack the world in half… into little pieces!”
Just last night, Little Dude decided to let me in on his worldview: “Papa, I’m smarter than everyone. Even you.”
“Oh yeah? Do you know what smart means?”
…silence…
…silence…
“I need to rest a minute.” Boom. Lights out.
There are three rules to generally live by: 1) Treat others with courtesy and kindness, 2) Enjoy Life, 3) Never floof in a sealed car. Recently, this cardinal rule was broken. Little Dude wasn’t having it. “—SNIFF– Eeeeeeeeeeew! Ohhhh! That smells so gross I can’t even BREATHE!”
Yesterday, after church, we were getting dressed. “So church today was totally boring, huh. It was for me!”
Little Dude’s been making his prayer closings more and more elaborate. Recently, he gave it a fancy-titled double-dip: “…in the name of Jesus Christ, The Lord of Hearts– Jesus Christ, The Lord of Thank-youness, Amen.”
Saturday is usually Papa and Little Dude’s “Hide out in the basement for an hour or two and let Little Dude view movie clips” day. I’d never show Little Dude a full Spider-Man movie, but there’s a few scenes that are harmless and it’s always cool to see Spider-man swing around the city or catch a bad guy. As we were watching a funny clip in Spider-Man 3 where Peter Parker’s marriage proposal is crashed by Gwen Stacey, Little Dude asked why Mary-Jane Watson was mad at Spider-Man, “Oh, because Spider-Man smooched that blond girl.”
Pause.
“I wish I was Spider-Man.”
I love these… they are hilarious!
Well, Joshua did it again, split my sides with his hilariousness.