Quotables: Little Dude and The Garbage-Bound Eggplant
Another installment of the ongoing adventures in the lexicon wonderland of Little Dude Vinton. NOTE: This is entry is a reminder as to why I need to keep Vintonville– or at least Quotables– updated more often. Throw in a load of laundry, grab a Go-Gurt and use the couch. This is a doozy.
As a kid, I knew birds had it easy– mostly because they never had to learn math. Apparently, Little Dude has the same idea. But with a twist.
“Papa, what if we lived in a dark, dark cave and we were lizards? Like, transformer robot lizards? That would be awesome! Cuz we could do anything we want, like climb walls and stuff like Spider-Man.”
Little Dude really likes the song “Genesis” by Justice. He’s not afraid to go amateur b-boy on it, either. The other day, as we came across the song while sampling the iTunes library, he jumped off my lap.
“Papa, watch me break it down.”
Arms flailing and legs kicking, Little Dude started going off with some some serious pop and lock.
“Whoah! You are breaking it down.”
Face scrunched in “I am awesome and deadly serious about this” mode: “Yes I AAAAM.”
Catching bugs is cool. Little Dude does it often. A few days ago, Little Dude caught an earwig/millipede looking thing that, once it was pinned between Little Dude’s fingers, started whacking its abdomen back and forth between them. Little Dude recounted the experience to Lady-Friend later, where we found out the bug was Herculean.
“That bug was smacking me so hard it felt like my wiener was gonna fall off.”
I’m not sure what eggplant is all about because eggplant is totally gross. But word is it’s healthy, so we eat it. And by we I mean Lady-Friend and me with my nose plugged. Little Sis and Little Dude are out. Still they get credit for trying. After sampling a bite, crying and spitting it out, Little Dude sat at the table and scowled. After a few minutes, he calmed down but was uncharacteristically quiet as he ate the rest of his dinner.
“Hey- what are you thinking about?”
“Throwing egg plant in the garbage.”
Saturday mornings are usually pretty laid back: Kids wake up and Little Dude watches a half hour of cartoons while we make griddle cakes. As a note, we don’t really live on the prairie– “griddle cakes” just suddenly sounded cool and old-timey. So yeah– as we measured and mixed ingredients, Little Dude decided he wanted couch company and was going to make it happen with the power of adjective-laden persuasion.
“Who wants to sit on this blanket in comfort with me?”
For a few weeks, Little Dude been fighting a sinus infection. The other morning, when we asked if he was feeling any better, we got this:
“I’m still kind of sick. When I woke up, I had a beard of boogers.”
I’m beginning to see Little Dude views me as the “Party Parent”– IE the “fun” one. I know that’s cyclical and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because I’m a 35-year-old with geek tendencies and the ability to buy his own toys… which on second thought, could be more “bad”. Still, I know I’m not the only Dad whose son gets a gleam in their eye when Mama leaves and it’s “just the dudes”. Like the other day: As soon as Lady-Friend left and shut the door behind her, Little Dude immediately turned to me with a glint in his eye and a “Party-time!” look on his face.
“Papa, let’s put on some music and rock it up.”
Thing about being a little guy? No fashion anxiety. Sure, Mamas and Papas will try to police their kids away from a mismatched baller shorts/shark shirt/ball cap with Nerf glasses” fashion combo, but where’s the kids fun in that? Nowhere, that’s where. Which allows Little Dude to come up with awesome stuff like this:
“Papa, I wish I had a camo hat that said, “Army Guys Fighting” on the back and a camo helicopter on the front. And you had one with spaceships fighting aliens. That would be so AWESOME.”
A few weeks ago, Lady-Friend spent the evening photographing a wedding reception, which was kind of sad because she was gone, but kind of awesome because Little Dude and I could watch Star Wars The Clone Wars and eat ice cream in bed. That and we knew she’d bring us back a plate full of those delicious little finger cheesecake thingies.
Sure enough, Lady-Friend delivered, but Little Dude had already brushed his teeth and hopped in bed. Still, Lady-Friend calmed his anxiety and let him know they’d be waiting for him when he woke up. Spring-loaded, Little Dude popped up and grappled Lady-Friend with a hug, planting seven or eight sloppy smooches on Lady-Friends cheek.
Then, he looked at me.
“If you bring treats, you get THAT.”
“Wha? I gave u a huge slice of cake, rememeber?”
“Was that your treat for me?”
“Totally.”
Wham, grapple, hug! Smooch. Smooch.
Last week, the weather was gloomy, cousins were out of town and friends were all sick. Little Dude was having a lonely day which apparently left him a little desperate. As he and Lady-Friend went into the back yard for a breath of fresh air, Joshua ran to the “Pee Rock“, jumped on top and started yelling.
“HEY! HEY! If anybody’s out there, this is [Little Dude]! I wanna play! Come to my house!”
Little Dude is really getting into Old Testament Bible stories. There’s one I’d forgotten about but I remember thinking was awesome– one where a group of Baal worshiping priests were playing “My God can light fires better than your God” with Elijah. It all ends with Baal’s priests and pretty much everything getting torched by the God of Israel. See? Awesome. So yeah, that left an impression and Little Dude was intent to do the same– by praying to light a stone on fire on the stoop of our back door. I decided I should check in on the action.
“So what you got going there, Pal?”
“It’s a Stone! “
His eyes widened.
“A stone of GOD!”
Little Dude has wanted warm weather for months and has been asking to go to Hawaii forever. And by forever, I mean every day since December. Of course, I’m a big jerk and have been stone-walling because A) flying makes me nervous and B) Flying for five hours over a dark Pacific Ocean leaves me breathing into a paper bag 50% of the time. Luckily, the weather’s warmed up, but it’s not quite to “warm status” yet. Still, a very cool neighbor decided to fill their plastic kiddie pool with warm water run from the garage. As she filled it up and Little Dude and his pals jumped in– clothes and all– she overheard Little Dude’s grateful approval:
“Finally! I’ve been dreaming about this for so long!”
Sometimes, to kill time, I’ll You Tube innocuous clips from movies I’d never let him watch in full. On this particular day, it was Ang Lee’s The Hulk– the one with the giant poodle. As lame as that is, it does have Hulk beating up tanks and chucking them across the desert. Little Dude had never seen that before. There was only one awed and whispered response– one we’ve never heard him say before–:
“Hoooooooly craaaaaaaap.”
A few weeks ago, the family suffered through a series of colds and sinus infections. I’m not big on getting sick and loudly complained. Little Dude didn’t approve.
“Papa. Getting sick is part of life.”
I can’t remember what was on the plate, but dinner time was not going well. After finally getting Little Dude to sample a bite, his eyes softened with a smile. “Mmmm! Delicious!” Sadly, that was a lie as he refused to take a second bite.
“But you just said it was delicious!”
“Yeah, but I was saying it was disgusting in my MIND.”
LOVE IT!!!!!!