Quotables: Little Dude and The Leg Guns
Unfortunately for our kids, Vintonville is kind of slim on the sweet treats and desserts. And while that’s good for Mama and Papa’s physique, it’s not good for the sweet tooth. Still, Lady-Friend and I usually whip up a few treats for the kids and enjoy a protein shake/bars for our “treat”. When we do whip up a little something special, Little Dude wants everyone in on the good stuff. The other night we whipped up a batch of snickerdoodles (with orange food coloring by request– YES!). Little Dude was stoked at how delicious they turned out and wanted to make sure I tried one. I graciously turned him down but Dude was undeterred:
“Maybe you could try one with protein in it so you could eat it?”
So OK, we’re still Mormon. Which might mean we were watching this movie called “Legacy” this past Sunday– it’s a pretty decent short film about the beginnings of the Mormon Church and its trek West to make Utah home after a whole bunch of getting bullied. The film is narrated from the perspective of a girl who joined the church and trekked out West with her family while facing tragedy, hardship, death and all kinds of poopy stuff including falling in love. In short, the girl’s eyes aren’t dry all that often. It’s a little melodramatic at times and if you’ve seen it, you’ll know why Little Dude watched it and asked, “Why does that Lady cry about everything?”
Poor Little Dude. Sometimes he gets in trouble and sometimes he takes it kind of personally. Like the other day when he was taking foreeeeeeeeever to finish his dinner. Everyone had finished and half an hour later, there he sat– still unfinished but not wanting to do anything about it while Little Sis enjoyed a little treat. He didn’t take it well.
“–SOB– I’m that guy– I’m that guy no one loves.”
I think it’s now an established fact Little Dude doesn’t like going to the bathroom. He’ll hold it off until he’s dancing and humping air with more crotch-thrusting style than the late Michael Jackson. Still, if there’s one thing Little Dude is– he’s a thinker.
“What if my wiener was really long, so I was standing in my room and could go pee in the toilet!”
Sometimes I think I’m funny. Little Dude lets me know when that’s definitely not the case… like the other night when I tried a joke and Little Dude took my stand-up dreams and threw them in the crapper.
“Papa, that’s not funny. I was trying to laugh but I can’t.”
Sometimes Little Dude takes a loooooong time to eat. Sometimes we try to speed it up by [trying] to feed him. Yeah, I know. Don’t say it. Still, last time I tried it… well, let’s just say that’ll be the last time I try it. As I reached over with a spoon full of whatever-we-ate-that-night-he-didn’t-want, he yanked away and with a look of “what-the-freak-are-you-doing-old-man!?”
“Papa! Don’t you DARE feed me!!”
We spent Christmas Eve at Lady-Friend’s parents joint. When Little Dude ran into the living room on Christmas morning and caught sight of his loot, we knew he was satisfied.
“I… made… the jackpot!”
OK, I mentioned we’re Mormon. So we were reading the scriptures before bed. When we finished, Little Dude delivered one of those “Man, being a Dad is awesome” lines: “Papa, when I read the scriptures to me it fills me with so much joy and happiness it makes me think you’re the best Papa ever in the whole earth.” Drip, drip, sniff.
Like most little kids, when Little Dude is asked to stop playing and do a chore he kinda feels picked on and gets a little grumpy. Luckily, he puts it in context:
“I used to be so nice… now I’m so MAD!!”
The world’s a complicated place. Luckily, Little Dude breaks it down with simple finesse:
“Some people don’t have guns, so they use karate.”
You know your family might be a little too focused on fitness when the little ones start measuring themselves up and talking about protein to carb ratios. The other night Little Dude was getting his jammies on and knelt down in front of the fire place…
“Look at those guns! My leg guns are huge!”
Sometimes Lady and Man Friends make naked jokes for fun. Sometimes their kids happen to overhear. After joking about how going outside was a sure-fire way to come down with hypothermia, I joked we’d have to run inside and snuggle naked. Maybe a little too much info for you, but apparently not for Little Dude, who quickly asked:
“Can I join in?”
Little Dude is a tender-hearted little fella. After lagging on getting ready for bed and ignoring us after we’d asked for the umpth time, I got stern. I lowered my tone, gave an attention-grabbing clap (wondering where the crap I picked that technique up) and raised my voice– “LITTLE DUDE! Let’s GO!” … which instantly introduced the teary-eyed head of sad time.
“Papa! When you said that my heart was like this [holds up hands in a heart shape] but then it broke into a million tiny pieces because you broke my heart!”
Another day, another injustice done to Little Dude by way of asking him to stop playing and clean up. Only this time, it was SERIOUS:
“That makes me so mad!! Let the madness begin!”
Still, like I mentioned… the kid is super tender-hearted and after a fit and calling me the “meanest” and “rudest”, I was tucking him in to bed when he looked up, “Papa… I want to apologize…” Drip, drip, sniff.
Tags: QuotablesSometimes I set a bad example. Weird, I know. As we were eating dinner, I pulled the ol’ “Holy crap! There’s an Eskimo dressed in drag riding a polar bear on roller skates in our backyard!” When Little Dude looked, I quickly snagged a shrimp off his plate and shoved it in my mouth. Little Dude was hip to my treachery and quickly gave me the what-for.
“Papa…did Jesus tell you to do that?”
Wow. He’s amazing. Thank you for remembering and sharing.
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