Welcome to the Empathy RollerCoaster… Now Where’s The Exit?
Today, the phrase “It hurts me more than it hurts you” carries a little more weight.
Yesterday, Little Dude went to the pool with some friends. He was pretty excited. After all, he’s hanging out with a couple “big people” most of the time– one who sounds like a “dead stormtrooper” when playing Star Wars and the other who rigorously enforces bedtime and tooth brushing. Since big people have dinner to make, houses to tidy and a baby to take care of, real friends are way more fun. Parental “friends” are only sometimes fun… and, well, they’re Parents.
So pool time. Little Dude is ecstatic. Lady-Friend takes him to the store where he gets some cookies he can share with his friends. Unfortunately, he travels in a car separate from the other kids. Upon arrival, the two friends immediately tell Little Dude, “Stop following us. We don’t want to play with you.” Naturally, Little Dude is crushed. Later, Little Dude breaks out the cookies. The kids enjoy them all (yay!), but leave him none (boo!). The friends then quickly reassert their intention of not playing with him at all. So, Little Dude ends up playing alone. All afternoon. Just like he could have done at home, but without the heartbreak.
When I got back from work, his face was curled in a hurt frown as he fought tears and described to me how no one wanted to play with him, how everyone ate his cookies and didn’t share and how it made him sad/mad and not want to be their friends any more and how he likes “big people” more than “little people”. While it made him mad, it just made me sad.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not anonymously chastising any kids or claiming Little Dude is perfect. I’ve seen Little Dude play the same mean game from time to time (at the least now he knows why he gets in trouble for it). I’m also well aware all kids can be incredibly fickle, mean and insensitive and that things like this are the standard ebbs and flows of the childhood landscape…
…but, for some reason, this one really affected me. Probably because Little Dude is mine. He’s my buddy. I know that sounds sissy, but if the next X amount of years have me feeling the same amount of empathy for my kids as I do today, there’s going to be a lot of proximal angst. It’s just that seeing his excitement turned to sorrow– and perpetuated throughout the whole day, not just a few minutes– was surprisingly heart wrenching.
Of course, Little Dude will learn, adapt and come out fine, but I have to wonder if this is where people slowly begin their adult decent into cynicism. That’s probably over thinking it and I guess it can be, but I suppose that’s where life’s hard lessons are learned, achieved and overcome.
It’s just sometimes, it’s tough to have a seat on that ride.
Tags: Little Dude
Next time you should invite me. I’m just sayin.
I heard the same sad story yesterday when I was over there. It breaks my heart too, I love that little guy and who wouldn’t want to play with him? He is so fun! Reading this post brought tears to my eyes and makes me want to kick some little kid booty.
Haha, Liz. Thanks for being sympathetic. It’s just kids being kids. It was just sad to hear about. The kids usually all play together and are great and have fun. This wasn’t a dis on the kids in the least– they’re not bad kids at all. Just kinda a realization that man- when your kids hurt, you hurt. So no booty kicking necessary.
I think there is nothing in this world worste then someone being mean to your kids. It is just kids…but when they are mean to Caleb I always want to yell at them ha! I refrain but man I wish I could. I would rather someone yell profanity at me then be mean to Caleb. Sorry Joshua got his feelings hurt!
Joshua is such a sweet boy! In my happiest daydreams I still imagine Joshua, Preston and Isaac playing in the dirt and running through the fields. Maybe someday………….
I really love where I am at in Colorado but when I think of you guys, the Petersons, Nielson’s and all the other great neighbors we had in Logan it makes me really sad. I know life goes on, but I we’ll never forget ya’ll.
I miss ya and love ya.
Ali
P.S. Your little girl is such a cutie! Tell MC “Hi” for me!
Well said! I am not ready to deal with kids being mean to my kid! I am happy that I have a few years. You guys are good parents! I hope with this little guy on the way, that I can raise him to be as sweet as Joshua!
You ladies are sweet. Thanks for the kind words and Little Dude love.
Kristin- Yeah, lady. I’m sure all parents instinctively want to jump in all Papa/Mama bear and exact some righteous justice, but then you go wait– how old am I? How old are they? Oh yeah.
Ali– we miss the Eisenachs. Those were the days. Wandering over dinner time and being fed… ah.
Ashley- Thanks! We’re not really as good as you might think. I’m a big advocate of the “Purple Herman” technique and Lady-Friend makes him do horrible things like “clean up” and “bathe”.
Yes, I think this is where adult cynicism starts. And also, this is when they start to doubt themselves, and feel unlovable. And then they go to school and it gets worse. And it really affects the sensitive, sweet ones. They start to believe the mean things other kids say. So, just keep loving him a lot, and teaching him that Jesus loves him enough to die for him. This is a telestial world we live in. This is why we need the Savior.
And, I forgot to mention that Grandparents (ok, and other family)
can do a lot to help children believe in themselves too, if they are close.